I only have three children, but they are so widely spaced that when the youngest leaves for college, I will have over 30 years of parenting experience under my belt. Yes, over 30 years.  Yes, that is a really long time.  I have a few more years before I reach that milestone, but since so many of my closest friends have already emptied their nests, I decided I should pick their brains and do some in-depth research to prepare myself for the monumental life change that awaits me. 

After several years of deep, soul-stirring, emotional conversations with my friends as they experienced empty nest-hood, along with reading almost every book Amazon offers on the topic, I have boiled Empty Nest Preparation down to three key steps.  

Step 1 – Discover and Connect with your True Tribe 

Step 2  – Find something to do that stretches your mind, delights your spirit and nurtures your soul.

Step 3 – Create experiences and moments for yourself that inspire joy and happiness. 

Let me elaborate. 

Step 1 – Discover and Connect with your True Tribe 

If you are like most moms, you met many of your current friends and acquaintances through your children.  Your children might go to the same school or play for the same sports team and that is how you met those moms.  You interact with them on a very regular basis (or at least you used to before the global pandemic) because your children’s activities often put you in close contact with each other.  It is very possible that after several years of close contact, some of those moms are now among your best friends.  

However, at some point, that shared activity will cease (maybe it already has because of COVID -19) and you will have to determine whether those friendships exist for a Reason, a Season or for Life.  Your True Tribe are the friends you will have for Life.  They are the friends you call, text and make time to see long after your kids quit the sport or change schools.  They are the keepers of your secret worries and your deepest disappointments.  You can also meet the folks in your True Tribe at work, church or in a civic or social organization.  But it’s the moms in your True Tribe who will sustain you as your nest empties.  Do everything humanly possible to identity, cultivate and strengthen those Life friendships and build your True Tribe right now.  

Step 2 – Find something to do that stretches your mind, delights your spirit and nurtures your soul.

If you already have a career that checks all the boxes listed above, consider yourself lucky and feel free to skip to step #3.  The rest of us should keep reading.  

For some moms, what stretches their mind, delights their spirit and nurtures their soul is raising their children. In that case, the prospect of having an empty nest can be terrifying.  It is extremely important for those moms to invest time in finding some new interests as soon as possible.  Starting or ramping up a hobby, project or side hustle, joining or volunteering for a civic, social or religious organization and rediscovering and utilizing one of your gifts or talents are all on the short list of interests that you can develop.  

One mom might believe it is best to start brainstorming these ideas before her youngest leaves the nest so she has ample time to explore “what’s next” and pivot if necessary.  Another might prefer to wait until the nest is completely empty so that 100% of her concentration can be put into determining what’s next in her life. 

Either way, identifying what’s next will likely take a great deal of quiet contemplation and self-reflection.  Therefore, I am giving you permission to steal time for yourself everyday so that you can focus on that task. Journal, sketch, make a vision board, meditate, pray, talk to your True Tribe. Do whatever you need to do to move one step closer to figuring it out.  And once you do figure it out, invest your energy into making a plan and going for it.  

Step 3 –  Create experiences and moments for yourself that inspire joy and happiness. 

When I think of the happiest times in my life, my children are front and center.  

Whether its:

cheering from the sidelines with other parents as our kids compete in a sport they love,

screaming my head off with my kids on the rollercoasters at Walt Disney World,

stuffing our faces with ice cream, popcorn and funnel cake as we stroll along the boardwalk by the beach, or 

sitting in the center section as they play their instruments at orchestra concerts, annual recitals or music competitions,

my heart swells with joy, pride and happiness when I think of those moments. It is hard to imagine how anything in my future could be as wonderful. 

But that is exactly what I’m NOT supposed to do.  Instead, I need to be intentional about planning joyfully happy experiences for myself that don’t involve my kids.  Going to the Canyon Ranch Wellness Resort in Arizona is at the top of my list of experiences that I am sure will bring me joy and happiness. Unfortunately, I will have to save a whole lot of coins before I can make that happen.  But spending a special day shopping, eating and enjoying the company of a member of my True Tribe is a far more attainable experience that will also bring me joy.  Splurging on a pedicure at a plush and insanely expensive salon is also an option.  Or taking a day eating snacks and binge watching all the past episodes of the scandalous reality TV show that everyone talks about could make me pretty happy too.  Even decluttering my closets, drawers and reorganizing my kitchen pantry might make me shout “Hallelujah!”

The truth is that when your nest empties, you will experience a void.  There’s no getting around it.  There’s no jumping over it.  You have to go through it.  The key to getting to the other side unscathed is preparation.  Time to get busy!